Oh, How Far We've Come!!!

Dear "Friend" of mine who is sending around an email with a subject line that reads "FBI uncovers plot to trap Obama", that when opened shows a picture of a box with a watermelon in it, held up by a stick with a string attached to it (the kind that will trap something when pulled. i.e. a rabbit or squirrel),


You're not even a little bit funny. You're fucking racist. May your daughters breed with handsome and intelligent men of color, and may their beautiful, successful, well-adjusted off-spring dance on your grave. Asshole.

Here, I got a pic for you:Love,
rem

Urban Sidewalk Waterers

Dear Chicago Sidewalk Waterers,

Really? I have to wait for you? When I’m trying to make my bus/train to get to work at the exact same time that you decide you not only need to water your lawn, but your sidewalk and the strip of grass between the sidewalk and the curb? Now it all comes down to timing and my ability to run in heels. I’m now forced to wait until your rainbow of arcing water moves to one extreme side or the other…then I sprint! Full-force. To make it through before my business casual gets soaked. Again I ask, “really?” If it’s soooo important that your 5’X4’ lawn (and the sidewalk that borders it in your urban oasis) be quenched; do it at 5 am. I assure you the city will have fewer morning commuting sprinters at that time. I have to be honest, at that hour of the day my quads are still tight.

Stop it.

Sincerely,

REM