This Is Not Ok...

"Like many, I find the holidays to be stressful…the impending doom of financial demise, nightmarish travel, being a social worker during this time (there's LOTS going on there), and of course, FAMILY TIME, kinda makes me want to scratch my eyes out…or someone else's. But it isn't really cool to ruin other people's holidays just because you're not into it. It's a downer. I find it's best to find other outlets to purge the ick and spare the population of your (my) poison. So as an alternative to hurling myself off of the LaSalle St. Bridge, I think I will instead address my most recent annoyances in this next installment of This Is Not Ok. Maybe people just don't know what's not ok. So let's make it a fair and level playing field. Per usual, I will point out things that are not ok, and there. I've said it. Now you know. Additionally, maybe there are those who can now relate. Perhaps all we need is to communicate better. Perhaps we will create unity around things that are not ok! And we can go out into the world defeating the Not Oks, making it a better place (for me)! And isn't that what the holidays are about? Unity? Bringing people together? Me? To begin…The newest in This Is Not Ok…

· The lovey-dovey make out couple across from me on the train last night. I don't just find you annoying, I ACTUALLY hate you. Hate is strong word…and I hate you.
· Audible yawning.
· Big, fat, wide public yawns without covering your mouth.
· Throwing shoes at our president. He sucks. Badly. But you can't really throw your shoe at him. It's insulting to the US. Plus, what if it were something more deadly? I mean…look at our back-up plan. If anyone can do a lot of damage in a month it's THAT GUY!
· My parents. Just trust me on this one.
· Work parties. WHY do I have to go to these things?
· Law Students. Sorry baby, it's just…well, not ok. It's not your fault. I'm pretty sure law school blows.
· Status dating. Gross.
· The "77threeee-20twoooo-Lunaaaaaa" song.
· The "800-5eeeeight-eeeeight, 23hundreeed, Empiiiiiiiiire…" song.
· Public transportation riding, ring-tone testers.
· The Clark bus.
· High School kids on the Clark bus…and the redline…and the Halsted bus…
· Shows about finding out who is the father. I feel like that may just be a private matter.
· My dog, Sonny. He's a real jerkface.
· President-elect Obama STILL asking me for money. I don't have any. That's part of the reason I voted for you.
· Anne S. moving away. That was super, not ok.
· My future children. Trust me…it's a pretty safe bet.
· Rod Blagojevich. He is UBER-not ok.
· The name Rod.
· My student loan debt.
· The View.
· Regis and Kelly.
· Regis.
· Kelly.
· Proposition 8.
· That I talk to my ex's. Jesus, I'm a pussy.
· Graduate school. It's a hassle and you're not actually guaranteed to make more money.
· The temperature in my office. Why am I wearing a scarf and a hat inside?
· People who make fun of street performers. You try it, asshole.
· The fact that at this very moment I am both hungry AND fat. What's a girl to do?
· How much OTHER people's weddings cost me…and I can't even have one to get back at them someday.
· Madonna's accent.
· Serving sizes on cereals. Yeah right. For a butterfly.
· That I have to be at work for six more hours and can't handle the thought of six more minutes.
· That Starbucks doesn't deliver. The whole reason I need coffee is because I'm tired and can't move yet. p.s. It's REALLY cold out! Bring it to me.
· Crotch tattoos.
· Me…for once dating someone with a crotch tattoo…to be fair the tattoo came after we had already begun dating. But still…
· To expand on one of my previous points; a dog who eats my underpants. Underpants don't grow on trees!
· The word underpants…though I prefer it to "panties." Panties is a pervert word.
· People who dump you during the holiday season. Very uncool and somewhat traumatizing…creating yet ONE MORE negative connotation to the holiday season. Neat-o.
· The amount of times I can watch Little Women and still cry every time Beth dies. SHUT UP! That Claire Danes is very convincing!
· The amount of times I've watched (will watch) Little Women.

Whelp…that oughta do it for now. Mind you, that's just what came to me in this sitting. There will be more to come in the next installment of This Is Not Ok (aka Free Therapy). Feel free to add to it…you may even attempt to defend yourself if you feel you've been called out…just make sure I don't know where you live or that you operate under a pseudo name…OOH! Stay tuned for This is Awesome! #1. The phrase "pseudo name" and people who pronounce it as pseudonym…with a British accent."