Friday, November 21, 2008
At Last. My Love Has Come Along...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I CAN'T GET OVER IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
FREE MONEY!!!
Free money, huh? My ship has finally come in!!! Here I am just checking my morning email...expecting some threats from companies to whom I owe money and I find this! I can FINALLY breathe easily. Man I can't wait to give this guy my private mobile, telephone, and fax numbers for easy communication! Read on and get on board! FREE MONEY! RISK FREE! It's true. He says so himself. Now remember, keep it on the DL. It's super top-secret.
"From:MR FRED SIBAYA No.54 Palm Groove,
Braafontein
Johannesburg
South Africa Tel/Fax+0027 86 529 0021 Dear Sir,
I am MR.FRED SIBAYA from Zimbabwe the first Son of MR JOHN SIBAYA, who was murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe by the agents of the ruling government of President ROBERT MUGABE, you must have heard his alleged support and sympathy for the opposition MDC PARTY led by the minority white farmers. My Father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the war veterans backed by the government.
Before the death of my Father, he deposited the sum of US$12M (Twelve Million United State Dollars) With one of the security company in Southern Africa, as if he knew the looming danger in ZIMBABWE. The money was deposited as a gem and precious stones to avoid much attraction from the security firm. The money was earmarked for the purchase of new machinery and chemicals for the farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland before the regretted incident. This Land problem arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act. Which wholly affects the white rich farmers and some few blacks vehemently condemned the "Modus operandi" adopted by the government. This resulted to rampart killing and Mob actions.
My mother and I are staying in South Africa now as Asylum seekers, which have not been beneficial to us; I have decided to transfer this money to a foreign country where we can invest it. I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in South Africa for fear of encountering the same experience in future since both countries have the same political policy and also law does not permit us to investment hence we’re refugees. I must let you know that this business is 100% risk free. I and my family have agreed to give you 20% of the total US12M, 5% will be mapped out for all expenses that maybe incurred during the transfer 5% for any charity organization and 70% will be for me and my family’s investment in your country.
Therefore if you are willing and interested to render the needed assistance, endeavour to reply through fredsibaya0@gmail.com for more brief clarifications. I also need your private mobile, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Remember; this is highly confidential and the success of this business depends on how secret it is kept. Expecting your reply soonest.
Best regards,
MR.FRED SIBAYA (FOR THE FAMILY) "
Now what the heck are you waiting for? Get your free money!
"From:MR FRED SIBAYA No.54 Palm Groove,
Braafontein
Johannesburg
South Africa Tel/Fax+0027 86 529 0021 Dear Sir,
I am MR.FRED SIBAYA from Zimbabwe the first Son of MR JOHN SIBAYA, who was murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe by the agents of the ruling government of President ROBERT MUGABE, you must have heard his alleged support and sympathy for the opposition MDC PARTY led by the minority white farmers. My Father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the war veterans backed by the government.
Before the death of my Father, he deposited the sum of US$12M (Twelve Million United State Dollars) With one of the security company in Southern Africa, as if he knew the looming danger in ZIMBABWE. The money was deposited as a gem and precious stones to avoid much attraction from the security firm. The money was earmarked for the purchase of new machinery and chemicals for the farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland before the regretted incident. This Land problem arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act. Which wholly affects the white rich farmers and some few blacks vehemently condemned the "Modus operandi" adopted by the government. This resulted to rampart killing and Mob actions.
My mother and I are staying in South Africa now as Asylum seekers, which have not been beneficial to us; I have decided to transfer this money to a foreign country where we can invest it. I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in South Africa for fear of encountering the same experience in future since both countries have the same political policy and also law does not permit us to investment hence we’re refugees. I must let you know that this business is 100% risk free. I and my family have agreed to give you 20% of the total US12M, 5% will be mapped out for all expenses that maybe incurred during the transfer 5% for any charity organization and 70% will be for me and my family’s investment in your country.
Therefore if you are willing and interested to render the needed assistance, endeavour to reply through fredsibaya0@gmail.com for more brief clarifications. I also need your private mobile, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Remember; this is highly confidential and the success of this business depends on how secret it is kept. Expecting your reply soonest.
Best regards,
MR.FRED SIBAYA (FOR THE FAMILY) "
Now what the heck are you waiting for? Get your free money!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Oh, How Far We've Come!!!
Dear "Friend" of mine who is sending around an email with a subject line that reads "FBI uncovers plot to trap Obama", that when opened shows a picture of a box with a watermelon in it, held up by a stick with a string attached to it (the kind that will trap something when pulled. i.e. a rabbit or squirrel),
You're not even a little bit funny. You're fucking racist. May your daughters breed with handsome and intelligent men of color, and may their beautiful, successful, well-adjusted off-spring dance on your grave. Asshole.
Here, I got a pic for you:
Love,
rem
You're not even a little bit funny. You're fucking racist. May your daughters breed with handsome and intelligent men of color, and may their beautiful, successful, well-adjusted off-spring dance on your grave. Asshole.
Here, I got a pic for you:
Love,rem
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
The WAWA Sisterhood!
Dear Jenny,
DUDE! It's your birthday! Ever since that beautiful day when you gazed into my eyes and said, "Dude, if you try to make me munch box we can't be friends." you have been the Tango to my Cash. The Laverne to my Shirley. The Cage to my Jack. And other gay-ass shit. You've withstood threats on your mother from mine. Meriwether family Christmas trees, Letters of Dismissal, Leo the Dick, Laura, ME, my break ups, me "reeeeeally meaning it this time!", you brought donuts to my grandmother's funeral (and came to the church way early b/c I had to be there way early...I really loved my grandmother. You got that without making me say it and sound like a pussy), and SOOOOOOOO much more.
You think that singing in a person's face in a car ride is ok. More than ok. It is expected. You know that me going home means I'm actually going to your house while I stop by my mom's a few times. You pretty much just assume you're picking me up from the airport. You never complain about it. You gave me your green shirt when I moved away. You stopped talking to me for a REALLY long time the year I forgot your birthday, and I wasn't all THAT concerned because I knew we'd eventually be fine again. That's how we are. I'm sure that you love me. You and only one other person (actual statistic). You've ridden out my career changes. And you make me laugh. We both think the other person is funnier. I'm right. And you too believe that posing for weird pictures is the right thing to do. You too believe that food IS therapy...especially since if it's from WAWA. And you fully support my idea to move to the fictional town of Stars Hollow.
This could go on forever. What it really comes down to is that it's awesome how we're awesome.
To the WAWA sisterhood!
DUDE! It's your birthday! Ever since that beautiful day when you gazed into my eyes and said, "Dude, if you try to make me munch box we can't be friends." you have been the Tango to my Cash. The Laverne to my Shirley. The Cage to my Jack. And other gay-ass shit. You've withstood threats on your mother from mine. Meriwether family Christmas trees, Letters of Dismissal, Leo the Dick, Laura, ME, my break ups, me "reeeeeally meaning it this time!", you brought donuts to my grandmother's funeral (and came to the church way early b/c I had to be there way early...I really loved my grandmother. You got that without making me say it and sound like a pussy), and SOOOOOOOO much more.
You think that singing in a person's face in a car ride is ok. More than ok. It is expected. You know that me going home means I'm actually going to your house while I stop by my mom's a few times. You pretty much just assume you're picking me up from the airport. You never complain about it. You gave me your green shirt when I moved away. You stopped talking to me for a REALLY long time the year I forgot your birthday, and I wasn't all THAT concerned because I knew we'd eventually be fine again. That's how we are. I'm sure that you love me. You and only one other person (actual statistic). You've ridden out my career changes. And you make me laugh. We both think the other person is funnier. I'm right. And you too believe that posing for weird pictures is the right thing to do. You too believe that food IS therapy...especially since if it's from WAWA. And you fully support my idea to move to the fictional town of Stars Hollow.
This could go on forever. What it really comes down to is that it's awesome how we're awesome.
To the WAWA sisterhood!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DUDE!
-rem
p.s. remember how this time last year we spent the day in court shaking our heads at my brother in disbelief??? BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
well, hello there...
Hi. I think I’ll dust off my blog again and see what happens. To all of my reader who messaged me a few times asking me to start er’ up…well, thanks! Here goes:
I…well...ok so I don’t really have anything to say and I don’t know why I chose tonight to get going again. Um…I could just update you and we’ll start from there.
Let’s see…um…my job and school are stressful, I have too many pets and a baby is moving in with me on Saturday…like pretty much almost perminantly-ish. I’m like almost a mom-type person. Which is pretty much a bad idea. I still fall asleep with my contacts in, curse at the television when the Bears play, leave the iron on, forget to pay my cable bill, think that writing papers while drinking is ok, hate cleaning, HATE my alarm clock, love the wrong people, have holes in my socks, am raising a puppy (and by raising it I mean yelling at it for pooping on the floor b/c I need to wait until the Gilmore Girls rerun I’ve seen several times and have on dvd is over before I take him out) and am planning on faking my death and moving to Tuscany to avoid paying back my student loans. But I love baby…so I guess I’ll do…ok(???) Let’s see…what else, I’m a vegetarian again. I even hate my own self for that. But it gives me room to make sure people know how much better I am than them. Now instead of telling people who smoke that smoking can kill them, I can tell people who eat meat about the meat industry and how meat was once alive. I find it to be a real eye opener. Most people have no idea that their steak came from a cow. I do what I can, you know; saving the world one pretentious, passive-aggressive comment at a time.
I’m dating someone. We get along and don’t think the other person is always lying to us. I guess that’s pretty good. I found out my ex HATES me. Whatever. The CTA has gotten worse. The hope for the country’s future has gotten better. Soy turkey is surprisingly good. Jewel coffee is unsurprisingly bad (I bought the economy size and am going to attempt to anonymously leave it in my office kitchen). I got a bowflex. I haven’t used it. I’ve decided that law students are intolerable. My brother turned one this week. I left my mittens in the bathroom and Nordstrom’s and am REALLY pissed about it. My friend’s are pretty cool. They got baby lots of stuff. I’m a happy person. I think that’s pretty strange but I’m going with it. I am over all of my ex’s. Either b/c they are fucking assholes who can’t get over themselves, or b/c I don’t really give a crap about them. Mostly the former. AANNND that’s it. We’re up to speed. So this week I will start er’ up for real. Thanks for the emails. I’ll try to go well with your morning coffee ;-)
I…well...ok so I don’t really have anything to say and I don’t know why I chose tonight to get going again. Um…I could just update you and we’ll start from there.
Let’s see…um…my job and school are stressful, I have too many pets and a baby is moving in with me on Saturday…like pretty much almost perminantly-ish. I’m like almost a mom-type person. Which is pretty much a bad idea. I still fall asleep with my contacts in, curse at the television when the Bears play, leave the iron on, forget to pay my cable bill, think that writing papers while drinking is ok, hate cleaning, HATE my alarm clock, love the wrong people, have holes in my socks, am raising a puppy (and by raising it I mean yelling at it for pooping on the floor b/c I need to wait until the Gilmore Girls rerun I’ve seen several times and have on dvd is over before I take him out) and am planning on faking my death and moving to Tuscany to avoid paying back my student loans. But I love baby…so I guess I’ll do…ok(???) Let’s see…what else, I’m a vegetarian again. I even hate my own self for that. But it gives me room to make sure people know how much better I am than them. Now instead of telling people who smoke that smoking can kill them, I can tell people who eat meat about the meat industry and how meat was once alive. I find it to be a real eye opener. Most people have no idea that their steak came from a cow. I do what I can, you know; saving the world one pretentious, passive-aggressive comment at a time.
I’m dating someone. We get along and don’t think the other person is always lying to us. I guess that’s pretty good. I found out my ex HATES me. Whatever. The CTA has gotten worse. The hope for the country’s future has gotten better. Soy turkey is surprisingly good. Jewel coffee is unsurprisingly bad (I bought the economy size and am going to attempt to anonymously leave it in my office kitchen). I got a bowflex. I haven’t used it. I’ve decided that law students are intolerable. My brother turned one this week. I left my mittens in the bathroom and Nordstrom’s and am REALLY pissed about it. My friend’s are pretty cool. They got baby lots of stuff. I’m a happy person. I think that’s pretty strange but I’m going with it. I am over all of my ex’s. Either b/c they are fucking assholes who can’t get over themselves, or b/c I don’t really give a crap about them. Mostly the former. AANNND that’s it. We’re up to speed. So this week I will start er’ up for real. Thanks for the emails. I’ll try to go well with your morning coffee ;-)
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