Comments?

Does anyone know where my comment thinggie is on my blog? I can't find it. I played with settings and now stuff is funky. I accept that I'm stupid. Now someone tell me the answer.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Love \n\ 1: strong affection 2: warm attachment 3: attraction based on sexual desire 4: a beloved person 5: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others 6: a score of zero in tennis.

Hmmm…ok. Moving on…

Love vb Loved; Lov-ing 1: to value highly : CHERISH 2: go feel a lover’s passion, devotion, or tenderness for 3: to touch or stroke lightly in an endearing manner: CARESS 4: to like or desire actively

Ok…right. So then…

Loved adj : held dear

Gotcha. So what’s with all the questions? Being in my late twenties (as in 30 in less than a month) THIS seems to be the topic of conversation among many of my friends…both male and female. What is love? How do you know if you’re IN-love? The difference between love and IN-love. How do you show someone you love them? When are you allowed to tell them you love them, if/when you’ve decided you do? How do you know if they love you? What makes it work? What makes it not work? Blah, blah, blah…

It’s all very complicated…apparently. In an age where if you can’t google the answer it doesn’t exist, there seems to be a tone of frustration about this big ol’ mystery…normally we’re content to allow Merriam-Webster to define things. But I guess not with this topic, my friends. Despite the definitions offered above, well…it seems as though this is very hard to agree upon.

So, I’ve spent the last couple of weeks doing some research. Confused myself, I decided that I’d stop tuning out when these discussions happen (every time I’m out with friends for the last 5 years, in one way or another) and I’d start tuning in. At 1st not contributing, but rather collecting data through observation. Like Jane Goodall (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Goodall), I watched my friends and their significant others in their natural habitats.

Then I stated to put in my two cents here and there, but only in small pieces. I feared judgment. I thought I had a pretty good idea, but if I was way off I didn’t think my ego could handle the pointing and laughing.
Here is my close circle (of coupled people): A married couple…with twins. THREE engaged couples (I guess we’re at that age). A living in sin couple…scratch that…two of those. A newly dating couple where he doesn’t want to say girlfriend and she’s offering his sweats at backyard bbqs. One of my best friends who recently moved away who fell in love with a man the 1st time they hung out…and he with her. Two lesbian couples, one of which does several things together and several things apart, and then VOLUNTARILY take interest in the other person’s apart things and then go home and cook each other things while they play with their dogs, listen to music, read, and then cuddle while they watch tv while planning their next fabulous vacation, occasionally pitying me and agreeing to tolerate me for an evening so I can be the foster child of mommy and mommy. This? How can I compete with this? So, I kept my mouth shut and I watched (rare).

Now, it must be said that I have made A LOT of dating mistakes. Those of you who know me personally are sitting there rolling your eyes at my understatement. Don’t feel bad. So am I. BUT I really feel I’ve learned from many of them. I’d list my lessons, but I think that’d be boring and this post is already seeming pretty boring. If you’d like to know, just ask. I asked many of them (the ones who wouldn’t ask me if I was drunk because I asked or think I was up no good), separately and together, “what’s love to you and how do you know if you’re doing it right?” Each of them looked at me weird and then realized that this is totally something rem would ask, and just answered me as honestly as they could.

NONE of them said the same thing about the former part of the question, but ALL of them said the same thing about the latter. They all defined love differently, but said (and I paraphrase) they didn’t really know if they were doing it right. They just knew they were trying their best. To which I asked, “But why? Why now with this person are you trying your best?” And they looked at me like I was stupid (because it appears that I very well may be) and said, “Because I love him/her.”

????I thought you weren’t supposed to define something by using the word itself????

I just went back to watching. There was little for me to learn by asking. Despite my single status, I didn’t feel all that different from the rest of them. They just seemed to be trying their best to show one person out of the rest of us that they mattered a little more than everyone else in the room (though I’m sure we all love each other…in our own ways) and that they were willing to do a little extra to keep them safe and feel strong (though I can remember each of us doing that for each other from time to time…pretty much when ever we let each others know we needed it).

But HERE, was the kicker…or the point…or…well here was the thing that made it seem to work. Everyone I mentioned in my close circle who I’ve had the chance to observe during this two week or so study, WANTED the other person to love them. Merriam-Webster should mention that. Like, if a tree falls in the woods and there’s nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound? And if a girl/guy falls in the city and there’s nobody there who wants to hear it, should she/he make a sound? Or does she/he keep it to her/himself? And in that sense, did it actually happen? The love, that is. Is one-sided love actually love or does it get a different name? And if it does get a different name does the word already exist or do we get to make it up right here? On MY blog (this could be BIG!)? I asked some friends, all of whom jokingly said things like, pathetic, sad, and pointless. So yeah, I guess all of those words already exist. But they seem sort of yucky. Yet I’m not committed to NOT agreeing with them…yet.

So let’s take it back to the place where we began. Defining love and all its parts and actions. All of the love questions at the beginning that have been tossed my way over the last several years. Did Merriam-Webster do a good job in helping us to understand (scroll up)? Correct me if I’m wrong (no. really. Do it.) but, no. Not really. Those are just words. THAT I learned through my observation. I can’t really tell you what loves got to do with it…but I can tell you it has very little to do with just words. So that answers all of those questions…sorta. Ok, no it doesn’t. Not even a little. Guess there is no answer. But what about the other ones? These: “And if a girl/guy falls in the city and there’s nobody there who wants to hear it, should she/he make a sound? Or does she/he keep it to her/himself? And in that sense, did it actually happen? The love, that is. Is one-sided love actually love or does it get a different name? And if it does get a different name does the word already exist or do we get to make it up right here?”

Just wondering.

Americans Not Yet Ready to Go Green, Too Busy Going Blue

As an individual who works in the behavioral health field, I often just automatically assume everyone is nuts. Before we go any further I think it’s important for me to define Schizophrenia to those of you who are unfamiliar with the DSM IV’s definition of the disease. There’s a lot to it but for the purposes of this post all you need to know is that “The characteristic symptoms of Schizophrenia involve a range of cognitive and emotional dysfunctions that include perception, infernal thinking, language and communication…and symptoms associated with impaired occupational or social functioning.” To put it simply, those with schizophrenia often times have trouble with reality and perception and much of the time they have visual and auditory hallucinations. As in they see and hear things that are not there. Often they talk to themselves. I’m talking full out conversations. There’s so much flow to these conversations that at times I’m wondering if I’m the crazy one because I can’t see the other person they’re talking to. The conversation almost makes sense…Like, it’s so detailed on the one end that I can almost imagine what the other (imaginary) person is saying. Or maybe schizophrenics see/hear dead people…but then what do dead people have against me that they’ve several times told my patients to stab me with a pen or to throw books and furniture at me…and, WAIT! I’m getting off track!

Ok, now that you’re all armed with behavior health knowledge and the characteristics of a schizophrenic, enter THE BLUE-TOOTH.

I assume you’re familiar?? That little thing that attaches to your ear and is a phone. So you don’t need to use your hands and your actual phone is no where near your head, allowing you to walk down the street and just talk without having to really deal with your phone. The blue-tooth, though noticeable up close, is pretty small and only attached to one ear. So even from close range, unless you’re on the side of that person’s head where the blue-tooth is attached…well, you just have no idea that it’s even there. It pretty much looks like they’re talking to themselves.

Now most of you know that in any major city the crazies are aplenty. And can be even more easily found on public transportation…which I ride everyday. Further, it’s not as easy as profiling, because there's no shortage of people who skip their rent (and their shower) so that they can afford to have a super-duper neat-o cell phone. And there are a lot of white collar crazies too. TRUST. ME. But either way, the blue-tooth owner is too busy and important to even bother with using their hands. This has lead to some great confusion for me. I find that my everyday life now includes one more very important question. “Crazy person or just really, really busy and important person?” Either way, I’m sure I don’t want to sit near you on the CTA. Actually, if I had to choose (which I often do) I think I’d pick the crazy. They have more time for me, and I like to feel like I matter every now and again.

Loop/Downtown Rush Hour Traffic Control—I don’t get it.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the rush hour traffic control team (TCT), let me briefly break it down for you: During rush hour periods downtown there are people in neon yellow vests that stand at intersections with traffic lights and instruct vehicles to stop when the light turns red and go when the light turns green. They also hold the responsibility of directing pedestrians to walk when the white man shape walk sign illuminates and to stop on the corner and wait until the walk sign comes back up when the orange stop hand becomes illuminated.

This is a HUGE responsibility, considering that thousands of lives are at stake. But there is some assistance offered to the traffic control team. The walk and don’t walk icons will begin to flash when they near the end of their current increment. This allows the TCT time (though not nearly enough, if you ask me) to prepare for their next move.

And since it’s an entirely new system that red light means stop and green light means go and white man walking icon means walk and orange hand icon means stop, this team is ESSENTIAL for the survival of downtown commuters. Fortunately there are A LOT of them. They’re very pleasant and the look on their faces says “There no where else I’d rather be right now then here with you and these cars.” Seeing these people before getting on the spacious and reliable red line with my fellow pleasant and spatially aware commuters is actually a really nice way to end the work day. I don’t know what they’re getting paid but I know that this city department is worth EVERY penny. Thank you Rush Hour Traffic Control! And on this mother’s day my mother thanks you too for getting her little girl home from work safe and sound each and everyday, which without you would otherwise be highly unlikely.

In other news, nearly all of the public health clinics in Chicago were closed because the city could no longer afford to keep them open. Understandable. They clearly have more important things to spend their (OUR) money on.

Unrelated: What’s really going on between Mary Poppins and Bert?

"It's Girl Scout Cookie Time!"--I Don't Get It

Why are girl scout cookies seasonal? It's not like they require a certain fresh berry or the birth of a young fish to be made. Don't the girl scouts want/need money all the time? I can't name a single person who wouldn't buy girl scout cookies regularly.

But no. They only sell them once, maybe twice a year. Forcing me to buy 10 boxes of thin mints and just as many tag-a-longs to "last me through the year."

Yeah. Fucking. Right. All that really does is allow me to eat a sleeve, NAY! a BOX of cookies a day.

I don't get it.

Catsicles--I don't get it.

My cats have figured out how to open my freezer. I walk in the kitchen and one of them will be sitting in the freezer with the door wide open. No. Seriously.

How did they figure this out?

How long has this been going on?

WHY would they want to sit in the freezer?

Do you think my crabcakes are still ok to eat?

I don't get it.

p.s. this is not very eco-friendly.

Stuff That I Don't Get

All of my blog friends are clever and/or uber-intelligent. Kudos to them, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to keep up with the Jones'. In fact, today I'll be starting a series that focuses on quite the opposite of being in the know. This series is entitled, Stuff I Don't Get.
Yep. That's about the gist of it. I'll simply mention something I don't get and invite my reader to help me to understand.

Welcome to my first installment of Stuff That I Don't Get

Today’s stuff that I don't get asks the question, “Why don't cabs have cup holders?” Now I can't speak for all cab riders, but in the morning I often have a drink in hand. Usually coffee. I trust I'm not the only morning commuter who thinks that coffee/tea/juice is a lovely way to begin the day, and in their time crunch is often forced to bring it along. It all goes well until it's time to pay. To get out my wallet and to remove the money from my wallet...and then put my change back in my wallet. Now, as my job (like many of us) requires business casual I am wary of squeezing my coffee between my knees while I cash handle. Yes, the travel mug is SUPPOSED to be spill/splash proof, but I've had my days and I'm not all about having another one 30 seconds before I walk into my office. The process stresses me out EVERYTIME. So here it is...here is my question: Why don't cabs have cup holders? I don't get it.